We have reached an entertaining point in the history of cycling apparel: if you have to believe in designer tracks and celebrities, wearing shorts for bikers like regular shorts is just like fashion now. And I am 100 percent behind this trend.
It’s a look I used to use ten years ago, when I was 20 years old living in New York City. I was traveling around the city and I did not want to wear terrible jeans. People still pull out a pair of red shorts that I wore all the time and became a permanent wedgie. However, it was a fiery look! And now fashion designers think so too!
The shorts for cyclists we usually see celebrities wearing are more fashion than functionality, the kind of spandex that does not have a suede pad, so I would not recommend going beyond the club in these shorts, however cute it may be.
They are not just bicycle shorts. They are performance glasses, too. It was all over the catwalk in Paris and New York Fashion Weeks. Last week, one of my friends who works at Condé Nast put on a new pair of Oakleys to go out. “These are so hot right now,” he said. I was like, “They’re glasses to run on bikes! What are you doing !?”
There’s a part of me that feels a bit cheated, like Hey, the cyclists did it first, and they made fun of it! I remember wearing a pair of casual sunglasses to put on before and after riding, just to avoid wearing cycling glasses like regular glasses! But above all, I am relieved and entertained that this is fine now. I already have everything I need to be in trend. It’s my time to shine.
This trend is a facet of “gorpcore”, a recent style that can be described as “elegant mountain” or “glam camping”. It is about to explode and will make all your outdoor adventure friends seem super fashionable. For the first time in history, Teva sandals will take you to the club! “Patagucci” is just Gucci now. I am very happy to have bought a pink Patagonia plate warmer a couple of years ago. At that time I got buyer’s remorse, but soon people will fight for Tickle Me Elmos in 1996.
I think it’s only a matter of time before fashion influencers discover true cycling bibs and start wearing chamois under their clothes to make their butts look bigger. I’m really going to celebrate this moment in which sports and fashion will become one, and you should too. Wear that brightly colored spandex and GoreTex, and maybe even take the risk of fashion and wear your Poler sleeping bag like a dress. Combine it with your Oakley Jawbreakers to complete the look. Off the bike and straight to the track.
Balenciaga, I am available to sponsor my next cycling trip.